CONTEST!:
by Chi Cullen
Summary: This is what happens when Chi has coffee...oh...dear...lord. Cullens and Wizards alike singing in a kareoke competition, what could be more amusing? Add in hyper Chi, and you've got a recipie for disaster!
1. I LOVEJacob?

It's really funny, just read it.

Chi: Okay everyone, silence. Please take your places.

nobody shuts up

Chi: I mean it, stop talking.

still talking

Chi: IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP NOW, YOU'RE ALL DISQUALIFIED!

Emmett: She's loud for a little thing.

Chi: I'M NOT SHORT! YOU'RE A BUILDING WITH FEET!

Jasper: bends down to poke the fuming mess that is me How tall is it?

Edward: I'll give her a good three feet.

Chi: HEY! I'm four feet, eleven inches.

all drop their jaws

Chi: What's the matter, never seen a NORMAL sized person before?

Alice: Can we just get on with the talent show auditions?

Chi: I would if you would ALL-SHUT-UP!

Jasper: What's shorter, her, or her temper?

Chi: IM NOT SHORT!!!!

Emmett: It's a toss up.shrugs

Chi:basically lights on fire I will hurt you all, if it's the last thing I do!

Emmett: Bring it little girl.

Chi: I AM NOT-

Bella: Okay, we get it, you're not small, now, may we continue?

Chi: But he's being mean to Me.whines and points in the general direction of Jasper and Emmett

Rosalie: slaps husband (Emmett) don't be mean to the poor little girl!

Chi: I'M NOT LITTLE!!!

Emmett: OW! Oh, fine. Sorry, Chi.

Chi: You will address me as _Madam Chi_ from now on, I run this karaoke competition, show some respect!

Edward: snort

Chi: GLARE

Edward: Whoa, sorry.turns away to talk to Bella-whispers (like I can't hear)She's creepy when she's mad. She's got a kind of Satanic glint in her eyes, even if she is the size of a-

Chi: SIZE OF A WHAT, EDWARD?!?!?!

Edward: Uhhhhh…

Chi: SIZE OF A WHAT?!

Edward: A brand new blade of grassoh, it's a challenge now

Chi: If you weren't so damn awesome I would kill you!

Edward: I'd like to see you try… Small-fry!

Chi: Sky scraper!

Edward: sticks out tongue

Chi: returns gesture

Rosalie: My God, you guys are so all immature

Edward: She started it!at the same time as…:

Chi: He started it!

Just then, Jacob walks in

Chi: Oh, just what I need, Mr. _size of a mountain but thinks he's a been-sprout_!

Jacob: Uhh, I think I'm in the wrong building. Is this the karaoke thingy? 'Cause I wanted to-CULLEN!

Chi: Yes Jacob, go kill the nasty-name-calling-Cullens!contemplates on second thought, don't my life sort of revolves around their survival.giggles

Jacob: raises eyebrow Uh, yeah. The thing I'm looking for is supposed to have started already.

Chi: It's not my fault! They wouldn't shut up, and then they started picking on me just because I'm the size of a regular human.

Jasper: SHRIMP!

Chi: VAMPIRE!

Jacob: Wait, she knows?

Chi: Oh, please, I predicted that you were a werewolf before Bella knew. I'm Chi by the way.

Jacob: left eye twitches- confounded silence for a momentWait, this small-fry is the director?

Alice: DON"T call her small.

Chi: thank you! Now, will everybody GET TO THEIR PLACES?

All shuffle around in basic circles to look busy.

Chi: Okay, first up, Alice. The only person who has a shot because she's nice!

Alice: Okay, do I start?

Chi: Please.

Alice:

_I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined._

_I'm just beginning the pens in my hand, _

_Ending unfolds_

_Starring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window_

_Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find_

_Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it,_

_Release your inhibitions-_

_Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in,_

_No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips…_

Chi: jaw drops Oh, my gosh, yes! Congratulations...you're in!

Alice: SQUEE- proceeds to jump off stage into Jasper's arms

Chi: Next, Bella. And this one's being dedicated to a time some time ago. In the few months where Edward STUPIDLY left her, and she was forced to endure unfathomable agony night after night!mock happy-face

Edward: scowl

Bella: Uh, yeah.

Chi: Start when you're ready. in undertone Oh, now I know why Simon likes his job!

Bella:

_Seems like it was yesterday, when I saw your face,_

_You told me how proud you were, but I walked away,_

_If only I knew, what I knew today, oohhooaa_

_I would hold you in my arms; I would take the pain away-_

Chi: Okay, now shut up! You're going to make me cry! I cry every time I hear that song, and I blame you!

Bella: Was I that bad?

Chi: crying (okay, bawling her eyes out) No, you're in too, it's just the song.

Jacob: Aww, cheer up.places arm around my shoulders

Chi: stunned-eyes bugging out of head-instantly perks upUhh…You're next.

actually, it was Jasper's turn, but he was-in Chi's mind-mentally disqualified anyway, and Chi's is the only opinion that counts (Damn straight, don't judge me people!)

Jacob: instantly on stage

_Dark in the city, night is a wire  
Steam in the subway, earth is a fire  
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do  
Woman you want me, give me a sign  
And catch my breathing even closer behind  
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do  
In touch with the ground  
I'm on the hunt I'm after you  
Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd  
And I'm hungry like the wolf  
Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme  
I'm on the hunt I'm after you  
Mouth is alive with juices like wine  
And I'm hungry like the wolf  
Stalked in the forest, too close to hide  
Ill be upon you by the moonlight side  
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do  
High blood drumming on your skin its so tight  
You feel my heart, I'm just a moment behind  
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do_

Chi: rolling around on the floor laughing her $$ offFine, you're in!

Jacob: It wasn't that funny.

Chi: Sure it was!

Jacob: If you say so. sits back down next to Chi…who faintsWAKE UP! LIVE, DAMN IT LIVE!

Chi: I'm fine. YOU CAN STOP SLAPPING ME NOW!!!!

Jacob: Oh, right.

Ooh, I think we shared a moment! A fatal and slightly horrifying moment in which I gain many bruises, but a moment none the less

Chi: Okay, now, Emmett.makes gagging noise in back of throat

Emmett: Okay, do I just start, or-

Chi: FOR GOD'S SAKE, THE LAST THREE PEOPLE ASKED THAT SAME QUESTION, AND ALL GOT THE SAME ANSWER. START BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND! Sheesh!

Jacob: Ha, ha! wolf-like laughter

Emmett:

_Yo-_

Chi: NO!!!!!!!! Next?

Edward: I'm next.

Chi: Don't even bother, you're in.

Jacob: look of disgust

Chi: What? The books aren't about you, now are they?

Jacob: snarl

Chi: pats Jacob's leg in comfort- then realizes what she is doing and stops. Next?

Person with paper bag over face comes out on stage

Chi: Name?

Person: Oh, you'll figure it out.

All screwed but don't know it yet, so…all confused

Person: I will be singing the 'doom' song.Pulls off paper bag.

All but Chi: VICTORIA???

Chi: really? Well, I imagined her with darker hair, but red is red, so…

All-including Victoria: Glare incredulously at Chi

Chi: What? When you're reading, you don't actually see the people, so I didn't picture her like this. _Excuse _me!

Victoria: Okayyy, well, moving right along with the destruction of life as you know it… GGGRRRRRR.

Chi: GRRRR? Is that the best you could come up with? You're on stage, girl, play it out, feel the monster, BE the monster. Put a little more soul in that beast-like snarl!

All glare at Chi in horror

Victoria: uh, okay… GROAR

Chi: much better. Now, WHAT ARE YOU ALL STILL DOING HERE? I WAS _TRYING _TO CREATE A DIVERSION, BUT NOOOO, LET'S ALL SIT HERE AND WATCH, INSTEAD OF RUNNING FOR OUR LIVES! HAVE YOU NO BRAINS? AND YOU CALL YOURSELF VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES/BARLEY-HUMAN-ANYMORE-THINGY!

All stare in shock

Chi: Well, let's not stop now, staring is getting us everywhere. RUN YOU STUPID FICTIONAL CHARECTERS, RUN!!!

The End


	2. Chapter 2

A/N-And so, the search for vocal talent continues. Chi and the remaining contestants (and their guests) now move onto England, where more fictional characters await thee Chi and her over-active imagination.

All file into big auditorium. Jacob heads over to place by Chi once more (here that? Yeah, that's the angels singing)

Chi: Okay, let's get started.

Jacob: Hey, Shorty!

Chi: FOR THE LAST TIME, JAKE, DON'T CALL ME SHORT!!!!!

Jacob: If it really bothers you…

Jasper: under breath I agree to no such thing.

Chi: I thought I told you to go home.

Alice: He's here supporting me.

Chi: Oh dear God, that means I haven't heard the last of him.

Edward: Okay, we all know how off-topic Chi likes to get, so now can we-

Chi: SHUT UP!!!!

Edward: snicker

Bella: Oh, they're here. Oh, they're so funny looking!

Chi: You have no clue who you just said that to, do you?manic growl

Bella: Who?

Chi: I, who was in love with Harry for years before I knew about Edward...OH, CRAP! I wasn't supposed to say that out loud, was I?

Emmett: I think there are several people in this room who would like nothing more but to see you writhe in pain about now.

Rosalie: Shut it, Ems. She's been tortured enough.

Chi: _Ems?_ That's a detail Stephenie Meyer left out.

Edward: Stephenie who?

Chi: Uhhhhhh, never mind. Let them in.

Alice opens door, and a handful of witches and wizards enter the room…Chi falls faint, and then realizes that this could lead to more bruises from Jacob and returned to consciousness. I'm running out of ice.

Chi: Okay, why don't we start by introducing ourselves?

Harry: Uh, okay, I'm Harry Potter.

Chi: Yeah, I know.drools

Harry: Err, who's the kid?Looking at Edward

Chi: I AM NOT A KID!

Hermione: in sweet, child-talking voice what's your name? I'm Hermione Granger.

Chi: VERY agitated-is the only one here from America who knows anything, let alone everything, about Harry Potter and everyone he's ever met I know you are, tell them, and I'M NOT FOUR! I'm thirteen, and know more about you than you probably do!

All newcomers stare at Chi in amazement that something that small can talk

Serious: Uh, hey, little girl-

Chi: I AM NOT A-

Serious: yeah, yeah, whatever. Can you tell us where to find the director of this thing?

Chi: through gritted teeth You have just insulted her!

Serious: Huh?

Bella: You're looking at her. Chi _is _the director.

Emmett: Yeah, we were shocked too.

Chi: It should be made illegal to make fun of people who can't even fight back.

Jasper: That's because you're short.

Chi: NO! It's because you are a solid mass of cartilage, and I'm smart enough to know not to attack a wizard.

Emmett: yeah, and you're too short.

Chi: SHUT UP, before I disqualify you all!

Lupin: We're still here.

Chi: right. Now, everybody find a place and sit your sorry butts down. I'll call you one by one to come up and sing.

Ron: This sucks.

Chi: Why?

Ron: I didn't want to try out in the first place, and my name is first on the list.groan

Chi: Well, on the bright side, you get to get it over with.attempts to smile

Ron: Fine.

Chi: Okay, go up there and start when you're ready.

Serious: Wait, it wasn't a joke? That little girl is the judge?

Chi: Watch it murder man!

Jasper/Emmett/Edward: snort

Chi: to JasperGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (growling)

Jasper: snarls like the vampire he is

Chi: EEK!Turns around and jumps into Jacob's arms.

more special moments…

Chi: Uh, you can let me down now.

Jacob: I'm okay.

Chi: blush, blush, blushUh, Jake? I have to judge Ron now.

Jacob: Ron who?

Chi: Oye. Just go Ron, I'm listening.

Ron:

_If I was invisible  
Then I could just watch you in your room  
If I was invincible  
I'd make you mine tonight  
If hearts were unbreakable  
Then I could just tell you where I stand  
I would be the smartest man  
If I was invisible  
(Wait… I already am)_

Chi: Hey, not bad. Okay, you're in.turns to JacobJake, will you _please_ let me down? I'm afraid of heights…and werewolves.

Jacob: Is that why you're so short? You're afraid of heights?

Chi: Completely beside the point.

Lupin: Did you say the 'W' word?

Chi: Oh, yeah. Jacob Black, meet Remus Lupin. You two should get along nicely.

Jacob: eyeing Lupin's tattered appearance shiftilyAnd why is that?

Chi: You're both part werewolf.

Lupin: are you serious?

Serious: Someone say my name?

Chi: Uh, yeah, sure, why not. You're up next.

Jacob: I'll be back, Chi, I'm going to talk to Remus.

Chi: YES! I mean, can you put me down first?

Jacob: groanFine. Be right back.

Ron: takes Jacob's old seatHey, Chi. How did I _really_ do?

Chi: Actually, you were really good. No offense, but I didn't think you could sing.

Ron: None taken neither did I.

Chi: Well, congratulations.

Ron: Uh, thanks.gives Chi a one-armed hug

Chi: thinking_OH, MY GOSH!!!!! Don't panic, it was a one-armer, it meant nothing, besides, you like Edward (wait, he made fun of you) and Harry (wait, he did too) Okay, new plan. You like Jacob, he seems to like you._

Ron: Soooooo, are you seeing anybody?

Chi: thinking some more-wow, I've never thought so much in my life_YES! I'm seeing angels. They're singing. Uh-oh, not again…Dr. Leigh said that if I heard the angels again that I needed another 'appointment.'_

Ron: after long pauseUh, I'll take that as a yes. Sorry, I shouldn't have intruded.

Chi: _NO! SHUT UP YOU GOD DAMN ANGELS-_heh, no pun intended-_Opportunity is slipping through your fingers. Jacob will get over you._back to realityUmm, no, I'm not, actually.

Ron: Really? I would have thought that guys would be all over you. Short is the new tall, you know.

Chi: Yeah, in England…in the wizarding world…in a fictional book. I'm from America…in the muggle world…and I'm real.

Ron: I still think you're cute.

Chi: _I swear to all you singing angels, if you don't shut up now, I will personally stab each one of you to death with a tooth-pick…I love being random._Uh, thanks.

Serious: Uh, when do I start?

Chi: now.tears eyes away from Ron, and doesn't notice Jacob glowering at him…It's good to be the Queen.

Serious:

_They see me rollin, 'they hatin, 'Patrollin'  
and tryin to catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.  
My music so loud; I'm swangin' .They hopin'  
that they don't catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.  
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty._

all jaws drop. Several people develop twitches. Chi considers the fact that she might just need more than one therapist now.

Chi: Uh, no comment…Next, Harry.

Serious: But, am I in?

Chi: Let me phrase this lightly. IF I EVER HAVE TO HEAR _THAT_ AGAIN, I WILL SAW MY EARS OFF WITH A WOODEN SPOON!!!!

Serious: Is that a no?

Chi: yes.

Serious: yes?

Chi: no.

Serious: no?

Chi: yes.

Serious: it's a yes?

Chi: No, it's a no.

Serious: no it's a yes or no it's a no?

Chi: yes it's a no.

Serious: so I'm in.

Chi: NO. Let me make this very simple…GET OUT OF HERE, YOU ARE NOT IN THE NEXT ROUND!!!

Serious: ……………………….. So I'm out?

Chi: YES!

Ron: chuckle

Jacob: Weasly, get out of my seat.

Ron: Make me, dog-boy.

Edward: SHUT UP! We have a newcomer.

Ginny enters the door

Chi: GINNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

Ginny: CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

runs up and hugs each other

Alice: Uh, you two know each other?

Ginny: Yeah, we've been pen pals for like ever, and once I heard that she was running a competition, I had to come. This whole thing was my idea, but does anybody pick me up for side-along apparition? Nooooooooooooooooooo.

Harry: So you knew we were going to a singing competition judged by the smallest muggle to ever be born?

Serious: sobbingand the cruelest.

Chi: Suck it up. And I'M NOT SHORT!!!!!!!!!!

Ginny: What are you thinking? You never call Chi short. Do you know what happened to her sister-may she rest in peace?

all turn to Chi.

Chi: It was an accident.

Bella: Oh, and she killed Victoria. I was the only one who saw that…Oops, I wasn't supposet to tell you all that was I?

Chi: Bella, you have the biggest mouth-

Edward: _YOU_ killed Victoria? I thought you told me doggy-boy did it.

Emmett: and you didn't save any fun for me?

Chi: Well, she called me a half-pipe midget who has to use a latter to tie her own shoes, then she told me I liked to play hand-ball agenst the curb, and I lashed out.shrug

all back away

Harry: Who's Victoria?

Hermione: Who cares? It's Harry's turn, Ginny, come sit down over here.

Ginny: Oh, but I was going to sit with Chi.

Hermione: Ginny get you're red-haired butt over here.hiss

Ginny: Fine, talk to you later, okay, Chi?

Chi: Okay.

Ron: I'm glad Ginny didn't sit here.

Chi: Why?

Ron: Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.leans in to kiss Chi

Jacob: No, you wouldn't!basically flies through the air and crashes into Ron

Chi: AAHHHHH!!!

Jasper: Will you two grow up! We have a living legend on stage about to sing, and you're fighting over a half-pipe midget, who-

Alice: throws hands around husband's mouth.

Chi: How do you know he's a living legend?

Jasper: When you never sleep, reading is something you tend to do a lot of.

Harry: Can I _please_ just get this over with?

Chi: Yeah, you two, get up. Go ahead Harry.

Harry:

_Pressure pushing down on me  
Pressing down on you no man ask for  
Under pressure - that burns a building down  
Splits a family in two  
Puts people on streets  
It's the terror of knowing  
What this world is about  
Watching some good friends  
Screaming let me out  
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher  
Pressure on people - people on streets  
It's the terror of knowing  
What this world is about  
Watching some good friends  
Screaming let me out  
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher  
Pressure on people - people on streets_

Chi: Oh, m'God! YES, you are in!!!

Harry: Thank you.

Chi: Next, GINNYYYYY!

Ginny: Yay!

Jacob and Ron take seats on either side of Chi-who can't breath

Ginny:

_Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
'Cause you're the only one that I know who'll keep them  
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
I know you'll keep them, and this is what I've done _

_I've been a bad, bad girl for so long  
I don't know how to change what went wrong  
Daddy's little girl when he went away  
What did it teach me? That love leaves  
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
'cause you're the only one that I know who'll keep them   
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
I know you'll keep them, and this is what I've  
done_

Chi: W-O-W! Ginny, you're amazing. Duh, you're in.

Ginny: Thanks.

Chi: Lupin?  
Lupin: NO! I'm here to support people, I don't sing.

Chi: Oh, come on, just for fun.

Lupin: my idea of fun is a long walk on the beach and a bottle of champagne, not singing in front of a multitude of people whom I don't know.

Serious: Yeah, when Moonie starts singing, we all need a little champagne.

Chi: Sing, or die!

Lupin: Fine, I have been working on one little number here and there.

Chi: Belt it out!

Lupin:

_I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand  
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain  
He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's  
Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mien  
Werewolves of London  
If you hear him howling around your kitchen door  
Better not let him in  
Little old lady got mutilated late last night  
Werewolves of London again  
Werewolves of London  
He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent  
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair  
Better stay away from him  
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim  
I'd like to meet his tailor  
Werewolves of London  
Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen Doing the  
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen Doing the  
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's  
His hair was perfect  
Werewolves of London Draw blood_

Serious: disgustedWorking on it here and there? You were planning on singing today, weren't you?

Lupin: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jacob: Nice song choice, my man!

Chi: In!

Serious: YOU SUCK!

Edward: So, we're done here?

Ominous voice: Not quite. You see, you killed my accomplice, but I am still here. Hopelessly indestructible as ever. I, Lord Voldemort, shall kill thee with a smile on my face.

Lord Voldemort steps out of shadows. All, save Chi, gasp.

Chi: I think _someone_ has some anger issues. _Why _would you want to kill us? Huh? I think that you should see someone; I have this great Dr., Dr. Leigh, he would be more than happy to help.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Not this time. My girlfriend, Victoria might have fallen for that one, but not me.

Chi: Girlfriend?

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: Yes, Victoria and I had an affair. What, like she couldn't cheat on James? The vampire was a blithering idiot!

Chi: Uh…that's news that might take a moment of incomprehensible laughter to take in. One moment please…laughs like a mad-woman…who's the blithering idiot now?Now, where were we?

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: I was just about to kill the shrimp that killed my beloved Victoria.

Harry: Beloved?

Hermione: Victoria?

Ron: Kill Chi?

Chi: SHRIMP?!?!

He-who-must-not-be-named: Yes. How my Victoria was lost to a miniscule pinprick of a muggle existence like the chiwawa sitting before me, I will never know.

Jasper: I got news for you, she's not sitting. That's her full height!

He-who-must-not-be-named: Are you serious?

Chi: smoking at the earsMINISCULE-PINPRICK-_CHIWAWA?_

Edward: Whispers something to Emmett.

Emmett: dawning realizationOh, yeah, she's short alright.

Chi: SHORT?!

Edward: Hold her back, Black.

Serious/Jacob: I'm on it. Wait, What? He told me to, not you.

Jasper: they're both called Black. Jacob, hold her back

Jacob: Suckers.wraps arms around Chi's waist.

Chi: too angered to notice that a boy is totally touching her-she should be kickin' the crap out of himLET ME AT THEM, LET ME AT THEM!

Bella: Bean-sprout!

Rosalie: Insect!

Chi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!going completely insane

Edward: Jake, on the count of three. Everybody run for your lives then…One…

He-who-must-not-be-named: What the…

Edward: Two…THREE!

all leave the room except for Chi, Voldemort, Jacob, and Ron.

Jacob lets go of Chi, who flies like a pin-ball in a pin-ball-machine, around the room in a manic rage, killing the auditorium. Voldemort is in shock that something so small can do such damage, and forgets to move as Chi runs him over. He falls into a nearby broken shard of metal, gets stabbed, and dies. Yayyy, only one problem; Chi is still not quite sane, so She is still running around kind of like she did in her old rubber-room, back at her favorite vacationing spot-A.K.A, the asylum…

Jacob and Ron catch her, Ron knocks her over the head with the arm of one of the broken chairs, sending her into a state of unconsciousness…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Ten minutes later…

Edward: Is she okay?

Harry: HOW MANY YEARS HAVE I BEEN HUNTING DOWN VOLDEMORT, AND THEN A PUNY LITTLE THING LIKE THIS COMES ALONG AND KILLS HIM IN ABOUT ONE SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hermione: Turns out, he never had the time to make all of those horcruxes.

Rosalie: All of what?

Hermione: never mind.

Ron/Jacob: LOOK, she's waking up!

Chi: Ugh…What happened?

Ginny: You killed he-who-must-not-be-named.

Chi: Oh, yeah, now I remember. WAIT, now, let me see, I seem to recall several other people with death wishes…BEAN-SPROUT…INSECT?!?!?!?!?!

Jacob: hugs Chi-who blushes profusely

Chi: I'm okay.

Lupin: Good, 'cause you have two more people to judge.

Chi: Really?

Serious: Yeah, ever heard of Tonks, or Fletcher?

Chi: As in the ones from the order?

Serious: I will never know how you know this stuff, but yeah.

Chi: SWEET!

Tonks: uh, we arrived about five minutes ago, and it's an honor to meet you… Is He-who-must-not-be-named really dead, still in there?

Chi: Yup!

Tonks: whistleWhoa.

Chi: Don't call me short.

Tonks: Random?

Chi: Not really. He called me short, so he died…Just like my sister and Victoria.

Tonks: You killed Victoria? We heard about her, apparently Voldemort had feelings for someone.

Chi: My life is getting interesting.

all think-_she's thinking out loud again._

Alice: Shall we move back inside?

Chi: do you mean to the place where the dead body lays?

Edward: Chi, don't insult us. The place looks as good as new.

Chi: and the body?

Edward: gone, Harry decided to teleport it to Dumbledore or someone.

Harry: It's called apparition.

Edward: Like it matters.

Tonks: So, are we going in?

Chi: Sure

Jacob: picks up Chi and carries her inside-these 'moments' are getting more and more painful.

Tonks: I'll go first. When do I start?

Chi: just start whenever you're ready.

Tonks:

_I still don't know what I was waiting for  
And my time was running wild  
A million dead-end streets  
Every time I thought I'd got it made  
It seemed the taste was not so sweet  
So I turned myself to face me  
But I've never caught a glimpse  
Of how the others must see the faker  
I'm much too fast to take that test  
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes  
Turn and face the strain  
Ch-ch-Changes  
Don't want to be a richer man  
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes  
Turn and face the strain  
Ch-ch-Changes  
Just gonna have to be a different man  
Time may change me; But I can't trace time_

Chi: Not bad…nice song choice by the way, I LOVE David Bowie!

Bella: Who?

Edward: I have every record, CD and concert ticket!

Chi: You serious? Why did you not say anything when Harry sung 'Under Pressure' then?

Edward: Because it's not his song, it's mainly Queen in that one.

Chi: and that's why it rocks! Queen is AWSOME!

Edward: Eww.

Chi: EXCUSE ME?!?!?! I grew up on Queen; my dad taught me the words to 'Bohemian Rhapsody' before I learned to talk!

Edward: Now I know why you're so screwed up.

Chi: You wanna say that to my face, pretty-boy?

Edward: You're Queen-loving face isn't worthy of my comebacks.

Chi: HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT INSULTING ME?!?!?!

Edward: BRING. IT. ON.

Chi: AARGH!

Edward: Did your dear, dear daddy like 'Kiss' too?

Chi: YOU GOT SOMETHING AGENST KISS?!

Edward: Oh my God! You're hopeless.

Chi: and you're disqualified. You stay to support Bella now; you are no longer my responsibility.

Edward: WHAT? You can't do that!

Chi: Sure I can, I'm the director.

Edward: No, I'm sorry, I mean, I love Queen! See?

_Can anybody find me- somebody to love?_

Chi: Ha! You can come back in if you sing the whole song.Evil menacing laughter

Edward: Are you kidding me?

Chi: Nope!

Edward: Ugh!

_Each morning I get up I die a little_

_Can barely stand on my feet_

_Take a look in the mirror and cry_

_Lord what you're doing to me_

_I have to spend all my years in believing you_

_But I just can't get no relief Lord_

_Somebody ooh somebody_

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

_I work hard everyday of my life_

_I work till I ach my bones_

_At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own_

_I get down on my knees and I start to pray_

_'Til the tears run down from my eyes_

_Lord somebody ooh somebody_

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

_Every day - I try and I try and I try -_

_But everybody wants to put me down_

_They say I'm goin' crazy_

_They say I got a lot of water in my brain_

_Got no common sense_

_I got nobody left to believe Yeah_

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

_Got no feel I got no rhythm_

_I just keep losing my beat_

_I'm OK I'm alright _

_I ain't gonna face no defeat_

_I just gotta get out of this prison cell_

_One day I'm gonna be free Lord_

_Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love_

_Somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody_

_Find me somebody find me somebody to love_

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

_Find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love_

_Find me find me find me_

_Find me somebody to love_

_Somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love..._

Chi: Show off!

Edward: Leach!

Jacob: No, that's your job, BLOODSUCKER!

Chi: Jake, calm down, we're joking around. Edward was never disqualified and he knows it.

Bella: Then why did you sing the song if you hate it so much?

Edward: lifting Bella into his armsI love Queen. Chi's not such a bad actor.

Chi: Needless to say, you're not so bad yourself.

Jacob: Now I feel left out…picks up Chi, hugging her tight (or as tight as she'll go without breaking)

Tonks: So, I'm in?

Chi: Without a doubt. Now, Mundungous?

Fletcher: uh, okay.

Chi: Start when you're ready.

Fletcher:

_You're having trouble with the high school head  
he's giving you the blues  
you want to graduate but not in his bed  
here's what you gotta do  
pick up the phone  
I'm always home  
call me anytime  
just ring 362436 oh  
I lead a life of crime  
dirty deeds done dirt cheap  
dirty deeds done dirt cheap  
dirty deeds done dirt cheap  
dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap  
dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap_

Chi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If you have any decency at all, and if there is any justice left in this semi-fictional world, then you will _never_ sing that again!

Edward: Honestly, that was painful.

Harry: You broke my glasses…again.

Bella/Chi: YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper: I say we call it a day. We have to take these two back to the hotel, and all you other non-humans need sleep too, so, see you in round two.

all shake hands, Bella falls asleep in Edward's arms, as does Chi in Jacob's.

See you all in round two of the fictional character's idol…

WWWWWHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, first off, I would like to say…OH CRAP! I can't believe I got Sirius' name wrong!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a long week, people, I was sick for four days. THANK YOU to**AstraeltheDestroyer **for ****correcting me on that one. SORRY!!!! Now, I really thought this would be a one-shot, but iI got too many good reviews to stoop, so THANK YOU to those 22 people who have so far reviewed, YOU MAKE MY DAY WORTH LIVING! And to anyone wondering, I really am short, it's an inside joke between me and anyone who has ever seen me in person, I'm thirteen, and 4ft. 11in.**

**Well, ON TO THE SECOND AND FINAL ROUND OF _CHI'S DREAM IDOL!!!!!_**

Chi: Okay, this is it…The big day…there are two-hundred people in that audience, so, don't embarrass me, people!

Emmett: Uh, Chi?

Chi: yes?

Emmett: What's with the stilts?

all look down to see that Chi has indeed sunken low enough to use stilts…silly girl, she's almost more of a klutz than Bella!

Chi: they boost my height, and my self-esteem.

Edward: Have fun on stage.

Chi: I already kicked you out once; don't make me do it again!

Alice: So when exactly do we start?

Jasper: the program says in five minutes.

Ginny: So, how exactly does this competition work? I mean, it's the second and final round, so how do we choose a winner?

Chi: You all take a turn, then the audience votes, and whoever gets the most votes wins. That person is in charge of the finally, meaning they pick a random song, and sing it with no practice whatsoever.

Ron: That's a comforting thought.

Jacob: Speak again, I will hurt you.

Ron: I didn't even say anything about your precious Chi that time, dog-breath.

Lupin: Watch who you insult!

Tonks: Drop it, Remus.

Lupin: strokes Tonks' hair…Oooooh, I'm not the only one who gets to have a moment

Tonks: blush, blush, blush.

Ron: the only guy without a dateGet a room!

All except for Ron and Hermione: You want to say that again?

Oh yeah, and Hermione is only there because she _is_ the stage crew

Chi: Okay, time to start the show, I go on stage and announce everything, and you all just introduce yourself, your song, and then you sing, got it?

all nod

Chi: Okay…Here goes nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitrips over stilts and falls out onto the stage, flat on her face…there _is_ a reason that God made Chi short, she can't handle tall. TT

Random members of the audience: Whooooooaaaaaa!!! Fly, girl, fly. OH MY GOD! Mommy look, the dumb girl fell! Heehee!

Chi: From the floor,Welcome, good people! My name is Chi and I am not a dumb girl, thank you very much. We are going to get right to it, so when everybody is finished singing, you will dial in the number of your favorite contestant, now, tonight's theme is: songs by the hostess's favorite bands. First off, we have Bella Swan-Mason-Cullen, singing a random song by Evanescence, Here is 'My Immortal.'never gets up, so she'll just be in the background for the rest of the night, it's easier.

Bella: Hello everyone, I'm Bella Cullen,likes that one best and I'll be impersonating Amy Lee tonight.clears throat

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone   
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real   
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years   
But you still have  
All of me  
You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind   
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

music stops

Bella: Thank you.holds up hands in a 'call me' sign.

Edward: GGGGGGGRRRRROOOOWWWLLLLLLLL

Bella: Easy, darling.

Ron: GAG

Chi: still on the floormoving right along, we have Nymphadora Tonks, singing a random Sugarland song-and for those of you sorry excuses for souls who don't know what Sugarland is, it's a country band, and it RULES! Any who, here is Tonks with 'Just Might Make Me Believe.'

Tonks: Hi, I'm Tonks and if any of you dare call me Nymphadora, you shall perish.glare okay, listen, and like it…

_I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide  
Bills on the table gettin' higher and higher  
they just keep on comin', there ain't no end in sight  
I'm just holding on tight...  
I've got someone who loves me more then words can say  
And I'm thankful for that each and every day  
And if I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face  
Still it's hard to find faith..  
But if you can look in my eyes  
And tell me we'll be alright  
If you promise never to leave You just might make me believe  
Its just day to day tryin' to make ends meet  
What id give for an address out on easy street  
I need a deep margarita to help me unwind  
Leave my troubles behind...  
But if you can look in my eyes  
And tell me we'll be alright  
If you promise never to leave You just might make me believe  
I used to believe in us  
When times got tough  
But lately I'm afraid that even love is not enough  
But if you can can look in my eyes  
And tell me we'll be alright  
If you promise never to leave you just might make me  
Oh, you just might make me  
You just might make me believe_

Crowd: Cheering

Chi: Wow that was awesome! Okay, next up, Ginny Weasly, with Rihanna's 'Unfaithful'

Ginny: Well, you know my name, you know my song, I will cut to the chase…

_Story of my life Searching for the right But it keeps avoiding me  
Sorrow in my soul because it seems that wrong, really loves my company_

_He's more than a man And this is more than love  
The reason that the sky is blue  
The clouds are rollin' in  
Because I'm gone again And to him I just can't be true  
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dyin'  
I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...a murderer  
I feel it in the air As I'm doin' my hair Preparing for another date  
A kiss upon my cheek As he reluctantly Asks if I'm gonna be out late  
I say I won't be long Just hangin' with the girls  
A lie I didn't have to tell Because we both know Where I'm about to go  
And we know it very well   
'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dyin'  
I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why   
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...a murderer   
Our love ... his trust I might as well take a gun And put it to his head  
Get it over with  
I don't wanna do this...anymore  
woaoaoao...anymore   
I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why   
And every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...a murderer  
...a murderer  
No no no no  
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah_

Ginny: Thanks, Bye!

Harry: off stage-horrified Ginny, what was that song supposed to mean?

Ginny: smirk

Harry: GINNY?near tears

Ginny: silently walks off stage

Harry: followingGINNY?!

Chi: _still _laying down on stageUh-oh, well, here's Edward Cullen with a Queen song! That's Edward Cullen, with 'Who Wants to Live Forever.'

Edward: Daring choice, maybe, but I, Edward Cullen can take it on.When did he get so stuck up?

_There's no time for us  
There's no place for us  
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away  
From us  
Who wants to live forever  
Who wants to live forever...?  
There's no chance for us  
Its all decided for us  
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us  
Who wants to live forever  
Who wants to live forever?  
Who dares to love forever?  
When love must die  
But touch my tears with your lips  
Touch my world with your fingertips  
And we can have forever  
And we can love forever  
Forever is our today  
Who wants to live forever  
Who wants to live forever?  
Forever is our today  
who waits forever anyway?_

Chi: It's a good thing she's on the floor, because she totally just passed out!

Bella: runs on stage-crying-to jump into Edward's waiting arms.

Ron: yet more gagging

Chi: to the now kissing couple-agenst the whistling of the audience members GET OFF THE STAGE! Next we have Harry Potter-yes, you heard me, HARRY POTTER!!! With A Nickelback song, called 'Far Away.'

Harry: If the girls in the back would please stop screaming…thank you, I will now dedicate this song to my girlfriend Ginny who has indeed NOT been cheating on me.

Girls in the back: DAMN IT, SO YOU'RE NOT SINGLE?

Harry: No!

_This time, this place Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, too late who was I to make you wait?_

_Just one chance Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know, you know, you know  
That I love you I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore  
On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know, you know, you know  
So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know  
I wanted I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you_

_I have loved you all along And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go_

Chi: faints again

Ginny: I don't want to make a scene…but…runs to Harrythat was _beautiful_!

Harry: Thank you.

Ginny: I love you.

Girls in the back: NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ron: Picks up random metal bat, signaling to Harry to run for his friggen life!

Harry: Heeds, runs straight out of auditorium…Ron follows soon after

Chi: Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, uh, next, we have…Well, it should be Ron, but he is currently busy, sooooo, why doesn't Jacob Black go? Yeah, Jacob, your turn.

Jacob: Okay. Hi, I'm Jacob Black, and I'll be singing 'Change Your Mind,' by The Killers, 'cause they ROCK!

_Racy days, Help me through the hopeless haze_

_But my, Oh, my_

_Tragic eyes, I can't even recognize my self behind_

_So if the answer is no,_

_Can I change your mind_

_Out again, a siren screams at half past ten and you won't let go  
while I ignore, that we both felt like this before it starts to show  
so if I had a chance_

_Would you let me know  
Why aren't you shaking  
Step back in time   
graciously taking  
Oh your too kind  
and if the answer is no_

_Can I change your mind  
we're all the same and love is blind  
the sun is gone before it shines  
and I said if the answer is no_

_Can I change your mind_

Chi: FINALLY getting upWow, that was AWSOME!

Jacob: Thanks.

Chi: so that only Jacob can hearif you don't mind, I won't be making a scene like the last two, they at least have earned it.

Jacob: Right.

Ron: NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, BLACK!

Sirius: in audienceWHA-?

Ron: Not you, him!points to Jacob

Chi: No he won't, it's your turn, Ron

Ron: Oh.

Chi: Yeah, oh… And now, we have Ronald Weasly singing 'Fast Cars and Freedom' by Rascal Flatts.

Ron: Yeah, uh, yeah that's what I'll be doing. And, The person who I'm thinking of when I sing this, well, I just hope you know who you are.

CoughHERMIONECough-I mean, Chi is just a crush…Hermione an Ron are true love!!!!

Ron:

_Starin' at you takin' off your makeup  
Wondering why you even put it on  
I know you think you do but baby you don't need it  
Wish that you could see what I see when it's gone  
I see a dust trail following an old red Nova  
Baby blue eyes, your head on my shoulder  
Wait, baby don't moved, right here it is  
T-shirt hanging off Dogwood Bridge  
That river was cold but we gave love a chance  
Yeah, yeah for me  
You don't look a day over Fast Cars and Freedom  
That sunset river back first time feeling  
Yeah, smile and shake your head as if you don't believe me  
I'll just sit right here and let you take me back  
I'm on that gravel road, look at me  
On my way to pick you up you're standing on the front porch  
Looking just like that remember that  
I see a dust trail following an old red Nova  
Baby blue eyes, your head on my shoulder_

Chi: Not bad! Okay, now, we have Remus Lupin. He will be singing a song by The Fray, called 'How to Save a Life'

Lupin: Hey, everyone! I'm, Remus Lupin, and like Chi said, I'll be singing 'How to Save a Life, 'by The Fray.

_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road   
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night   
Had I known how to save a life  
How to save a life How to save a life  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night   
Had I known how to save a life  
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
How to save a life_

Chi: Nicely sung, okay, it's getting late, so we're going to wrap it up here, with our last contestant, last but certainly not least; miss Alice Cullen!

Alice: Hello! I will be singing a song by the ever-popular Madonna. The song as many of you probably know is called 'Material Girl.'

_Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me  
I think they're o.k.  
If they don't give me proper credit  
I just walk away  
They can beg and they can plead  
But they can't see the light, that's right  
'cause the boy with the cold hard cash  
Is always mister right, 'cause we are  
Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
You know that we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
Some boys romance, some boys slow dance  
That's all right with me  
If they can't raise my interest then I  
Have to let them be  
Some boys try and some boys lie but  
I don't let them play  
Only boys who save their pennies  
Make my rainy day, 'cause they are  
Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
You know that we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
Living in a material world  
Living in a material world  
Boys may come and boys may go  
And that's all right you see  
Experience has made me rich  
And now they're after me, 'cause everybody's  
Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
You know that we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
A material, a material, a material, a material world,  
Living in a material world  
Living in a material world_

Chi: Okay, Alice!claps-Chi likes Alice…Alice no makey fun of the Chi Now, it's time to vote on your favorites, so, take the miniature voting screen, and type in the number of your favorite!

Audience: click, click, click. Dial, dial, dial.

Chi: And the votes are in…Our winner is………………………TONKS!

MEANWHILE………………………………………………………….back stage, while the audience is still voting…

Tonks: Who do you reckon won?

Ron: Actually, Ginny is pretty good.

Edward: So is Bella.

Bella: Aw, thanks, but please, be subtle.

Edward: sorry.

POP

Weird guy dressed in purple pin-stripes: Nymphadora Tonks, you are hereby summoned to a Ministry mission, as an auror, you must now report to the Ministry of Magic…At once!

POP (he's gone)

Tonks: Uh-oh, uhhh, Hermione, tell Chi I'm going, 'kay?

Hermione: What if you win?

Tonks: Pray to God I don't.

POP

Emmett: What exactly what just happened?

Hermione: Tonks apperated to her job, and left my sorry butt to tell Chi. She'll miss curtain call! And what if she won? Who's taking her place in the singing for the finale?

Lupin: HERMIONE! Calm down.

Hermione: hyperventilating

Ron: Slaps Hermione

Hermione: What the Hell was that for?

Ron: shrug

Chi: from on stage The votes are in…Our winner is…………………..TONKS!

Hermione: $&#

Alice: Calm down…I'll take her place in the finale.

Ron: and what if I wanted to?

Edward: Compromise…let me do it.

Jacob: There's no way I'm losing to a bunch of leaches!

Bella: Shut up!

Lupin: I already know which song I'll sing.

Harry: Why don't we settle this the old fashioned way?

Jasper/Emmett: ALL-Right!

Ginny: Wands out on the count of three.

Jasper/Emmett: Not so alright. 

Chi: walks back stageTonks, come on out!

All glare at Hermione

Hermione: Taking a step forwardUh, Chi? I have some bad news. You see, Tonks had to complete some Ministry duty, and uh…had to leave.

Chi: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! Who's going to complete the finale?

All: I AM!

Chi: Oh, crap…………Hermione, come on then.

Hermione: WHAT?!

Chi: Well, Tonks must have had a reason to leave you in charge, so, here's the Mic., pick a song from this hat.holds out hat, incase you were wondering

Hermione: No, I really don't think you get it.

Chi: gives CRAZY eyes

Hermione: Squealokay.picks from hat.

Chi: Go out there, and introduce yourself!

Hermione: gets pushed out on stageUh, hello everyone, my name is Hermione Granger, and um, Tonks isn't here right now, so…I'll be taking her place.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hermione:

_Look at me  
You may think you see  
Who I really am  
But you'll never know me  
Every day  
It's as if I play a part  
Now I see  
If I wear a mask  
I can fool the world  
But I cannot fool my heart  
Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
When will my reflection show  
who I am inside?  
I am now  
In a world where I  
Have to hide my heart  
And what I believe in  
But somehow  
I will show the world  
What's inside my heart  
And be loved for who I am  
Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
Why is my reflection   
someone I don't know?  
Must I pretend that I'm  
someone else for all time?  
When will my reflection show  
who I am inside?  
There's a heart that must be  
Free to fly  
That burns with a need to know  
The reason why  
Why must we all conceal  
What we think, how we feel?  
Must there be a secret me   
I'm forced to hide?  
I won't pretend that I'm  
Someone else for all time  
When will my reflection show Who I am inside?  
When will my reflection show who I am inside?_

Crowd: Cheers like they've never cheered before.

Chi: back stageso I guess this is goodbye, huh? It was a lot of fun knowing you all, and my friends; Luna, Chandler, and Moka will be so jealous! I love you all, and I'll never stop reading!teary-eyedI live vicariously through you!

Jacob: What on earth would make you think this is goodbye?

Chi: Huh?

Edward: It's goodbye for a day or two, but you killed Victoria, and to that, we are eternally grateful, so you'll be seeing a _lot_ of us.

Harry: And you killed Voldemort, so we'll have to thank you for that too.

Chi: You mean it?

All: Always!

And so concludes the current adventure of Chi, and her wildest daydreams.

Join us next time for **when fictional characters try DDR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**WHEN FICTIONAL CHARECTERS TRY DDR!**

**Okay, I never actually intended to write this, but the reviews changed my mind.**

**This is also a stand-alone, but selfish me only got 7 reviews, so I am posting it here too. I LOVE YOU ALL WHO REVIEWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Well. Have fun… WWWWWWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Jacob, and Chi sitting in Chi's living room, watching the fourth _Harry Potter_ movie with dropped jaws. All have become best friends, except for the Cullens and Jacob-too much enmity there, but Chi and Jacob have been dating for a month, so deal with it!

Harry: This is utterly insulting.

Hermione: I don't talk like that.

Ginny: I was helping Fred and George take the bets during the second task!

Harry: _You _were taking bets on my life?

Ginny: ………Maybe.

Ron: I don't look that bad!

crickets chirp

Ron: Right?

more chirping

Jasper: Awk-ward!

Harry: I'm shutting this off!

Chi: NO! Come on, Harry.

Harry: No more bath scenes?

Chi: _only when I rewind it_ No.

TV: He's bewitched, Cedric!

Harry: Oh, Hell no!unplugs DVD player

Chi: You didn't have to unplug it.

Harry: I know for a fact that you have no clue how to plug it back in, so yes I did.

Chi: Meanie!

Bella: Now what then?

Alice: Holds up two books- one with 498 pages, one with 569 pages-from Chi's book bag.what are these? _Twilight _and _New Moon_?

Bella: Hey, I've read Twilight. That's the one by Meg Cabott, about the girl that talks to ghosts, right?

Chi: glomps Alice to hand her the booksyou're thinking of a different _Twilight._

Edward: Grabs _Twilight_ and opens to page 20(AKA, the one where the Cullens are first introduced)-readsBella…

Chi: Darts for exit

Emmett: Grabs Chi

Bella: readingAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Oh my God! This is…Me?

Chi: Uh, yeah. I told you that I found out about you through a book.

Edward: Is that seriously what you thought when you first saw me?

Bella: fumingChi!

Chi: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…hides behind Jacob

Edward: Flips to page 274Aw, Bella, Darling, look.

Bella: blush, blush, blush

Chi: What page are you on?

Bella: thinking she has found a loop holepage two-hundred-seventy-four.

Chi: Oh, that page. The one with the masochistic lion and the stupid lamb?

all stare

Jacob: Well, is she right?

Edward: Yes.

more staring

Chi: What, I live vicariously through you, like you didn't know.

Rosalie: Just how many times have you read it?

Chi: …

Ginny: Chi?

Chi: So far…eleven. And _New Moon_ eight. That one's more depressing.

Edward: Why?

Chi: Because, you sick sadistic fiend, you leave Bella! How could you? I had to stay home from school for a week because I was crying so much that I got a cold! What is wrong with you? And you!turns to HarryDo you know how many hours I spent with my head in a pillow, crying because you were 'noble,' and let Ginny go?

Emmett: I don't believe I have ever met a more pathetic creature in my life.

Chi: sob

Edward: _New Moon_ is more depressing?

Chi: sniffyes!

Edward: Toss it here.

Alice: toss

Edward: Conveniently flips to page 67Chi, why are there tear stains on the paper?

Chi: Do you really have to ask?

Jacob: Can you all stop tormenting her?holds Chi

Chi: perky

Edward: face fallingOh, my gosh, Bella. I had no clue how much I hurt you. I am so sorry.

Bella: Let me see.

Edward: points to spot on pageright there.

Bella: readsOh…starts sobbing

Chi: See?

Jasper: It's her life at least.

Chi: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Bella and Edward kiss

Chi: NOT ON MY COUCH, YOU DON'T!

Jacob: Why? We-

Chi: slapLALALALALALALALA-Okay, story time is over for Jakey

All start twitching

Chi: What? Like you've never seen us kiss?

Rosalie: No, it was the implied part that would give us nightmares if it could.

Chi: OH MY GOD, YOU PERVERTED FREAKS! NO!

long silence

Emmett: Hey, what's this?Points to DDR mats in the corner

Chi: Oh, it's a game.

Emmett: It looks like a really small, demented version of twister.

Chi: You mean none of you have ever tried DDR?

Ron: What's a CDR?

Chi: slaps forehead

Jacob: Come on then, let's show 'em.

Chi: sets up mats while Jacob plugs in game cube (Chi doesn't own a PS2-so sad)

Jacob: ready?

Chi: Yup.selects versus mode

stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp…stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp…stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp…stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp…stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp

All stare in amazement-screen displays two As

Emmett: I wanna try!

Chi: Uh, just don't break it.

Rosalie: I'll take him.

Emmett: stompUh-oh.

Chi: Tell me you didn't break it!

Emmett: Uh…

Chi: YOU-

Jacob: Calm down, he'll be buying you a new one, won't he?

Emmett: Sure.

Chi: GRROWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Emmett: mew?

Chi: Next?

Rosalie: Hey, we didn't get a turn.

Chi: Do you know what this will do to you hair, or what I will do to your husband if he breaks another mat? I only have three, and one is my friend Luna's.

Ron: You're friends with Luna Lovegood?

Chi: Ron, there is more than one Luna out there.

Ron: Oh.

Edward: Bella and I will go next.

Bella: Say what?

Edward: Come on, Bella. It might be fun.

Bella: Or, it might get me killed. Those mats look slippery.

Chi: They are, just don't make the mistake of wearing socks, like I did shudder

Bella: squeaky voicewhat happened?

Chi: uh…nothing?

Bella: Gulp

Bella and Edward walk up to mats

Bella: Edward, I love you.

Edward: amusedI love you too.

Bella: Just thought you should hear that before I die.

Edward: Of all the things to be afraid of… You are in the room with several vampires, several witches and wizards, a werewolf, and a creepy, psychotic killer-girl.

Chi: Hey, I'm not creepy!

can you tell I like the cricket chirps?

Chi: Shut up and dance. Just hit the arrows as they pop up and hit the arrows at the top. BELLA! What are you doing? Go onto easy mode if you have any desire to live.

First arrow pops up

Bella: EEK!slips and falls.

Edward: Oye, Bella. Does someone want to go agenst both of us?

Chi: And just how are you going to manage that?

Edward: smirk

Chi: Edward, what the Hell are you going to do?

Alice: I'll go.glides over

Edward sets Bella ON his feet.

tap, tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap

Hermione: _I_ lost track of who won.

screen: A-player 1/A-player 2

Chi: I have some strongly worded prophanities for you both right now!

Jacob!&.

Chi: slap

Alice: Grace is better than any intimidating stomp.

Chi: poutBut the stomping looks cooler.

Ginny: I'll go next.turns to HermioneI challenge you.

Hermione: Huh? Ehe.

Ginny: You heard me.

Hermione: Let me rephrase…NO!

Ginny: come on.

All: Go Hermione!chant

Hermione: I will sue Chi if I break my neck!

Chi: GULP

start game

Hermione: AHslips

Chi:_ My mats aren't that slippery, people-or creatures_.

Ron: catches Hermione

Awkward moment

Chi: Uh…RUN!

All scatter to give them 'privacy'-scamper outside and inconspicuously pear through windows.

Chi: I can't hear anything-AND IT'S FRICKEN FREEZING OUT HERE!

Jacob: Come here.pulls Chi into his ever warm arms

Chi: sighAaaaaa

Bella: Whimperfreezing (her fiancée is colder than the weather)

Chi: sticks tongue out

Bella: More whimper

Jasper: Shut up! I am trying to listen!

Chi: snarl

Jasper: raises eyebrow

Chi: I dunno.Shrug

Jasper: _real _snarl

Chi: hides-or hugs Jacob-whichever way you want to look at it

Bella: shiverW-what's g-g-going on-n?

Edward: Here, Bellahands over jacket

Bella: are you trying to kill me?takes it anyway-all starewhat, it's the thought that counts.sniff sniff (only took the jacket for the way it smells) shivers like Hell.

Alice: SHUT UP!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Vampires start clapping

Chi: What?

Emmett: They're dating!

Chi: YES! After how many years of waiting in agony for this!

Emmett: Like I said, pathetic.

Chi: I know! I've known that I am pathetic for years. I think that the first thing that my doctor said was "hey, nurse, we got a pathetic one here," I don't need you to too!

Emmett: snort

Rosalie: Whoa!

Emmett: What?

Rosalie: Show no mercy, Ron.

Chi: What?

Rosalie: You guys have got to see this kiss. There so feisty!

Ginny: EW! I'd rather not, thanks.

Harry: I'll pass.

All others dart to the window.

Chi: Oh, God! I think he's trying to eat her!

Ginny: LALALALALALALALALALA-I can't hear you!

Harry: gagthis goes on my list of things that I NEVER needed to hear about my friends.

Chi: My toes hurt.

Jasper: Why would you be thinking of your toes while the biggest moment of your sad little life is currently in progress?

Chi: Because in order to witness it, I have to stand on them.

Emmett/Jasper: snicker

Bella: Does anyone but me feel slightly perverted for watching.

All contemplate

Chi: WHAT DO THEY THINK THEY ARE DOING?!

All eyes dart back to window

Chi: Oh, yes, when I hint at bad things you all come shooting back, but when two people are in love, it's just plain nasty? They aren't doing anything; go back to your knitting.

Ginny: raises eyebrow

Chi: It's an expression.

Alice: When do you think we should go back in?

all shrug

Alice: Because if we don't stop them within the next half hour, they'll-

Jasper: Oh, s&!.

Alice: Wow, Chi, you are right, they are all conclusionists.

Chi: See? What did I tell you? Sick, sick pervs.

**Oh yeah? Who's the one writing the creepyful fan fiction, huh?**

**Okay, you'll all have to wait for chapter two to find out just how sick this thing can get. Bye Bye…WWWWWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! **


End file.
